


Sundown

by sciamachy



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Assassins & Hitmen, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:15:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23997373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sciamachy/pseuds/sciamachy
Summary: Through the uncertainties of love, trust and safety, at the end of the day, Luhan knows he's not fighting alone.
Relationships: Lu Han/Oh Sehun
Kudos: 3





	Sundown

**Author's Note:**

> Entry for the bottomsehun fic exchange in LJ way, way back.

♧♤

_She watches the woman lean in, her red-painted lips almost touching the ear of the man. She stares as the woman pulls a white piece of paper from her pocket and tucks it inside the man’s back-pocket. The woman presses closer to the man and drops a kiss to his cheeks before walking away without further ado._

‘People these days,’ _she mutters to herself and turns away. Her husband is waiting._

♧♤

  
  
Luhan wraps the scarf tighter around his neck, shivering from the morning breeze. He tucks his bare hands in his pockets as he walks slowly through the unkempt field, wild grasses almost reaching his height dancing with the wind around him. He sees the familiar caravan, getting larger as he crosses the distance following the beaten path of dead grass and soil.

He thinks that maybe it will be empty, like it had been many times before when he drops by to visit. There is only one other person who knows of it aside from him. The one who sat in the passenger seat years ago, hand out the window holding an expensive stick of nicotine, as Luhan sat behind the wheel, carelessly driving down the empty field and running through the growing grass.

No, Luhan wouldn't be surprised if no one answers back his call of a name. He's used to it. He knows that person will always be gallivanting around the city, sometimes outside, in search of people. It's a job, Luhan knows that much, but it doesn't keep him from worrying. And he does worry, a lot, because someday, the people just might search back and he knows it's no happy reunion if that happens.

So Luhan hopes too. Every time he gets a chance to get away like this, he hopes for an answer to his call. He hopes that their trailer, getting older from each day that passes, will not be empty as it has been for years.

  
  


  
  


The sound of tinkling metals echoing softly in the air had reached his ears by the time Luhan stopped within a foot from the caravan. He almost didn’t notice, the sound barely heard over the rustling of the grass and the music from the headphones around his neck.

Luhan frowns, wondering where it’s coming from until he sees the door slightly ajar, letting the wind through to play with the chimes he hung inside before. Hope blooms somewhere inside his chest and he tries to quell it down, stomach tightening in response.

"Sehun?" He calls out, softly, hopefully. He waits and as each second passes, the light feeling gets heavier and heavier.

But still, no one answers back.

The hope solidifies to a block of disappointment and Luhan thinks, yes, he's used to this. He never really learns.

With a sigh, he slides the door open and the once tidy little space is a mess. Bottles of alcohol litter the floor, cigarette ends and ashes everywhere in sight.

Luhan feels as if his heart is trying to claw its way out of his chest. He stumbles inside to see all the things he has carefully put away from all those visits before are in disarray. It's a welcome sight, better than the perfect stillness he's used to see.

"Sehun!" He tries, one more time, because he has nothing to lose and everything to gain. He moves for the smaller door, the one that leads to the bed where he curls in alone while he wishes for the familiar warmth he's starting to forget.

He tries the knob and finds it locked.

"Sehun!" Luhan calls again, knuckles rapping at the door in impatience. A muffled groan comes from the other side and his breath catches in his throat.

It's not Sehun.

  
  


  
  
  


Luhan doesn't feel hatred that often. Resentment, that one he knows due to the nature of his work. But hate, no, it doesn't come as easily to him. But what he feels right now is hatred. What he sees burns through his retinas just as loathing boils in the pit of his stomach, churning, melting his insides in deep hate.

"Out." His voice shakes, all the unbridled anger seeping out like venom in his tone. The women gather their clothes in haste, meek and avoiding his gaze. Guilty, as they should be, because the number of photos tacked on the walls show that the man they slept with isn't unattached. They slip out the narrow way and his nostrils flare when he breathes in the familiar scent.

Through it all, Sehun watches him silently from the bed.

"How dare you." There is so much hate, Luhan surprises even himself. It creeps up his throat, making it harder to breathe. It stings his eyes, bringing unwanted tears threatening to spill down his flushed face. "How dare you." He chokes out.

Sehun looks away.

The tears start falling and Luhan doesn't bother muffling the sob that comes out. He crumples down the floor right there in the doorway, and he must look pathetic gripping his shirt, trying to grip his heart protectively. But he doesn't care because it hurts so fucking much, the anger, the worries, and the hopes. It hurts.

He concentrates on breathing because it's easier than looking at the unfamiliar man, than listening to the silence. He counts one, two, he counts the three wasted years.

"Why?" He asks softly in the darkness beneath his eyelids. Why did he have to see that?

Why did you come back?

Why now?

Why waste all those years?

Why did you leave me alone?

"Why, Sehun?" He asks, the word heavy with all the questions he wants answers to. The anger has steamed without his notice, leaving his insides cold with resignation.

And hands are gripping his arms, pulling him up without his consent but he lets it. He doesn't protest when he's enveloped in the same warmth he remember years ago. "Luhan." He shivers, his name whispered right to his ear. It sounds like the answer to everything but it's not and he needs more than that from Sehun.

"This doesn't make it okay." He gathers the strength to push away, to hold Sehun at arm's length after years without being able to. He wipes the back of his hand over the salty tracks on his face, licking his drying lips, and trying to meet the eyes that are staring at him but not looking. "What happened?" He reaches up, finally, finally able to hold that face again outside his dreams. "What happened to us?"

Sehun closes his eyes, cupping Luhan's hand and just breathes. He looks so peaceful and Luhan's heart goes out to him, everything forgotten in that moment. But he blinks open, gaze steely and brows drawing together. "You know why, Luhan." His hands drop down to Luhan's wrists. "It's my job."

"I know." Luhan says. But that doesn't mean he understands.

  
  


  
  


It comes to this eventually.

Luhan pushes Sehun down the bare bed and sits on the edge, its dirty sheets discarded to the floor. Sehun has no clothes to take off, nothing to shield the body that Luhan knows as much as his own. There are the bruises that he expects, and there are news scars to familiarize himself with the stories behind it. "You're still beautiful."

Sehun snorts, turning his head to the side and palming his face but Luhan catches the quick upturn of his lips that he tries to hide. Sehun fumbles at his belt while Luhan carefully puts the headphones on the bedside table – Sehun's last gift before he disappeared, – removing the scarf, and pulling off his shirt. He kicks off his pants and almost smirks at the way Sehun looks.

Luhan laps up the attention; he missed three years of this anyway, but gets tired of the inaction fairly quick. He runs a hand down the planes of Sehun's chest to his flat stomach, momentarily caught with the way his hand rhythmically moves up and down with every breath.

"Where did you get this?" Sehun asks, surprising Luhan with the fierce tone of his voice. He stares intently at the thin scar that runs from the middle of Luhan's arm to down to almost his elbows. His hand hovers over it, and Luhan doesn't know why he hesitates.

"Delinquent customer." He feels the sharp look that Sehun gives him but he doesn't quiver. "What?" He already knows the next question.

"You said you're quitting." Sehun accuses him, "that's why I–" Luhan sees his throat move, feels the effort it takes to swallow down his words.

"You thought I'd be safe so you had the guts to pack up and leave without any notice." Luhan grins, humorless. "Well, I never thought I'd find myself alone for years too. I guess we're even."

Sehun looks away, clenching his jaw and barely forcing out his next words. "Dealing drugs, Luhan, you need to stop."

Luhan snarls, "Don't patronize me!" He bends lower, grabbing a fistful of Sehun's hair and forces him to look. "You who fucking kills for money? Who hunts every hole and corner to shoot down a fucking name?"

Sehun grunts in surprise, hands scrambling for purchase at Luhan's shoulders. But he doesn't back down and Luhan doesn't expect him to. He's faced danger again and again without a flinch even when he's younger so who's Luhan to scare him now?

"Luhan," Sehun grits out, belying the way his hands slip gently down Luhan's chest. He doesn't push and Luhan's heart keeps trying to jump out to his hands.

"We can both quit." Luhan begs, eyes sliding close as he presses their foreheads together, lips mere centimeters apart. "Stay here, live here. What's wrong with that, Sehun?"

He's answered by silence and a kiss that isn't much of an answer at all.

  
  


  
  


Luhan slides down the length of Sehun's body, trailing a path by his tongue. He pauses on each mark that tells about the life lived by Sehun, on thin ice and still playing with fire. He kisses every scar bared to his eyes, and he hates for a moment, reminded of the women before.

"Why did you sleep with them?" He asks before paying attention to one of the hardened nubs on Sehun chest. He doesn't particularly care for the answer but it bears asking.

"I didn't." Sehun groans when Luhan stops sucking and starts nipping lightly. "A job."

"A job?" He puts his own marks down to Sehun's stomach, talking in between bites. "They're naked, you're naked. Don't lie to me." He points out.

"Never." Sehun pulls Luhan up, taking Luhan's mouth and slipping his tongue inside. They part only when both their chins are wet, lips kiss-bruised and shining. Luhan uses his thumb to swipe under Sehun's bottom lip, eagerly watching when Sehun takes the finger and bites. "I'll never lie to you."

Luhan scoots back, eyeing Sehun in weary acceptance. "You already did." He lets Sehun flip them over, Luhan propped up on the wall as Sehun straddles him. His hands settle automatically on Sehun's waist, thumbs drawing circles on the skin. "How are you going to make up to me?" He asks, easily looking coy through his lowered lashes. He grinds up, his hardening cock rubbing suggestively on Sehun's ass.

Sehun smiles down at him, a rare one that Luhan can count on his hand the times he has seen before. "I can think of a few things." Sehun says before reaching behind Luhan, copping a feel and withdrawing with an unopened small bottle of lube in his hand.

"Prepared, I see." Luhan raises a brow.

Sehun smirks. "Only for you."

  
  


  
  


This is a new development, Luhan muses, staring avidly at Sehun working himself open. He bends over Luhan's legs, treating Luhan to a full view of his fingers pushing and pulling from the tight ring of muscles. He has two, three fingers in and dripping the cold gel down his sac to Luhan's abdomen. Their cocks are aligned in this position, friction is created every time Sehun bucks when he curls his digits inside.

Luhan's restraint thins in every second that passes, every sigh that passes through Sehun's lips. He startles Sehun when he shifts closer, pushing Sehun higher and levelling his mouth with Sehun's opening. Sehun's breath hitches when he drags his tongue down the cleft before taking in Sehun's idle thumb and sucking hard, teasing but not actually touching Sehun’s sensitive place.

"Stop," Sehun groans, his hand falling limply from Luhan and out of himself. "I need you." He changes position so that he's facing Luhan, leaning back and bracing himself by a hand on Luhan's thigh. He looks down at Luhan with flushed face and heavy-lidded eyes, biting his lower lip as he slowly strokes his cock without shame. It's a complete picture of seduction that Luhan has no reservation in devouring.

Nodding, Luhan squeezes an ample amount of lube to his palm and lathers it on his length. He feels the heat of Sehun's gaze and barely resists the urge to rut when Sehun's hand joins his. Sehun jerks them both for a moment, cocks rubbing together in Sehun's hands. He bites his lip when Sehun positions over him, guiding him until the tip is barely breaching the entrance. He lifts his hips up slowly and almost sobs at the tight heat that threatens to consume his mind. They both groan when Luhan is buried to the hilt, pausing to let Sehun reacquaint to the size.

"Are you okay?" Luhan asks, running a soothing hand down Sehun's legs on either side of him and feeling the muscles flexed from holding the position. Sehun is too tight to be regularly partaking in this kind of activity and that means it has also been years for him. Sehun maybe left Luhan but he never left his fidelity behind and Luhan won't deny the little happiness that it brings forth.

"I'm fine." Sehun grunts, moving in a way that prompts a groan from Luhan's throat.

Luhan thrusts up experimentally in retaliation, pushing deeper, and he relishes at the surprised moan Sehun makes. "Ready?" He teases, fond despite the way he rolls his hips in a challenge.

Sehun steadies himself on Luhan's chest, thumbs playing with each nipple. He grinds down and clenches around Luhan in acceptance. "Are you?" Sehun asks as he lifts up a little before dropping back down hard.

"Little shit." Luhan bends his knees for better leverage and starts to meet each bounce with his own harder thrusts.

Soon they find an erratic rhythm, coupling like there had been no years apart. They make love like they always did before, finding completion at each other without unnecessary words and erasing the years of longing by mere touches and unspoken feelings.

And Luhan laughs, breathlessly happy and in so much love. This is them. Again, finally. This is him and Sehun and he never wanted anything more.

♧♤

‘I’m sorry sir,’ _she says, flustered by the man’s unnerving stare._ ‘We can’t simply divulge patient release details without an authorization. Unless you're family.’

_The man is silent for a moment, disappointment written on his face, before nodding in understanding. He gives her a small smile and apologizes for her time before walking away._

‘If only all men are gorgeous and polite like that,’ _she sighs dreamily after him._

♧♤

When Luhan opens his eyes, it is to the light that almost blinds him. The sun is at its peak in the noon sky, gazing down brightly at Luhan and the empty space beside him. He bolts upright, heart clenching in fear that he may have imagined it all, that there is really no Sehun after all this years.

But a brief pain flares around his neck when he cranes his head to look around. He catches sight of the multiple bruises from his reflection on the window, standing out like proofs decorating his skin. He sighs in complete relief, heart soothed and fears held at bay. It's not a dream, it's all real and that thought is enough to put a goofy smile on his face.

Luhan only bothers to put on his pants for decency before moving out the bedroom. His fears completely vanish when he sees Sehun sitting at the table, one hand playing with the wind chime hanging near and the other holding out another stick of cigarette.

"Hi." Luhan settles on the other chair, a table of mess separating them. Sehun doesn't acknowledge him outright save from the barest pause of movements. He leans his elbow on the table, cupping his face in his hand and contentedly tracing the contours of Sehun's face with his gaze.

Sehun is all sharp angles now, older and more inscrutable than the boy barely past his teens he'd known. His hair is back to its original color, shorter and in disarray from bed. His lips are fuller, more competent in seeking out each of Luhan's sensitive spots. His eyes–

"Do you remember," Sehun glances at him for a moment, meeting his eyes for a split second before looking back to the chimes he's playing with. Too quick for Luhan to know what Sehun's look means. "Do you remember the time we met?"

Luhan blinks in surprise, the rush of memories flooding the forefront of his mind triggered by Sehun's hesitant question. He remembers a sixteen-year old boy, fear and determination warring in his eyes, stumbling in a den of drug dealers with a gun larger than his hands. The boy accidentally bumps Luhan away from the path of a stray bullet, but shoots with shaky precision the friend Luhan has known for years right between the eyes.

But it's so long ago that Luhan only remembers the details, the feelings he might have had about it long forgotten and buried. But he remembers, of course. A person doesn't just forget the whole reason his future veers off the path he had resigned himself to.

Making a noise of affirmation, Luhan reaches for the pack of cigarettes. It's a new one, probably imported from one of Sehun's excursions. "What about it?" He examines it half-heartedly, thinking more about how cute Sehun had been then but still deadly enough.

"Do you remember what you said to me before?" Comes the soft question.

"Well," Luhan trails off, giving up the pretence of curiosity, "I do remember screaming my head off when all that blood rained down on me." He deadpans, watching Sehun inhale deeply around the cigarette.

Sehun exhales a plume of smoke to his face, amused as he scrunches his face in offense. "I definitely remember that." Sehun smirks unabashedly. "I think your voice broke a lot of windows back then."

Luhan sneers but soon they descend to a silence, comfortable and each lost to their memories. The years where Sehun and Luhan had begun, how it stopped being him and I and where the we and us developed. But Luhan is curious about what bought it all on.

Sehun shrugs, uncharacteristic for him, and stubs the stick on the edge of the table. He throws it to the direction of the trash, uncaring if it went in or not. "Do you remember what I told you after you told me you'll kill me?" He looks Luhan straight in the eyes.

Yes, Luhan can remember the threat that slipped past his lips as he stared at the boy standing beside his fallen friend. And, Luhan feeling cold creep up his spine, he also remembers what the boy had said to him in reply.

Sehun's eyes are devoid of any emotions, unrecognizable from the eyes that always looked at him with warmth. Luhan doesn't know this man before him, and for all the familiarity he has, there are things in those lost years that Luhan will never ever know.

Still, Luhan braves through, not one to be deterred by the change in Sehun’s demeanor because this is Sehun. He squares his shoulders and says, “What, that you’ll kill me first?”

“Yes.”

Luhan exhales, “Are you?”

Sehun averts his gaze, quirking his lips and looking instead at the chime still tinkling softly above their head. “I don’t know.”

And that’s that.

  
  
  
  


“Noodles?” Luhan asks distractedly, contemplating which pack of ramyun to open. He hears the scrape of the chair first before arms wrap around his waist. He keeps in his huff when Sehun has to bend just to lean on his shoulders. Luhan might be the one with a stronger built but Sehun definitely towers over in height. “Less spicy?” He asks and lets Sehun decide.

“Extra hot one.” Sehun says, planting a small kiss on Luhan’s nape then moving away. This surprises him. Sehun has never been one for spicy things.

“Really?” He looks back to see Sehun seated, twirling a pen and a pocket-sized notebook open in the table. Inching closer to see what’s written, it startles him when it snaps close. “What’s that?”

Luhan has learned to curb his curiosity about certain things. Because sometimes, in the work he deals in, opening his mouth can mean his life or death. Quite literally at that too and both him and Sehun knows that. But there are too many unknowns between the two of them already and Luhan hardly needs anything to add up to it. Maybe this way, he can bridge the distance little by little.

“Part of my job.” Sehun retorts offhandedly, still playing with the pen. “No need to concern yourself with it.”

Luhan bristles at how Sehun could brush him off like that. He supposes he shouldn’t be surprised anymore, if the way Sehun just upped and left before is any indication, but the way his chest tightens still begs to differ. And beg he will if Sehun would give him the chance to just go back to the same old them.

But so far, Sehun has been making it very hard to do so.

  
  
  


The rest of the afternoon passes like a blur to Luhan, most of it is spent back in bed and filling Sehun as they take each other to multiple completion. They speak with kisses and breaths on each other’s lips.

With their bodies spent and satiated, they lie together in comfort. Sehun is pillowed on Luhan’s lap, the two of them watching the sky turn as dark as the soft tresses Luhan runs his hand through. He trails his hand down sculpted cheeks, rubbing his thumb over the indent of the small scar he’d caused years and years ago.

It’s a mark from one of their worst fights, where words and emotions are weapons to use against each other among the wreck they’ve made out of their things. It’s history but it left its mark.

“You never change.” Sehun looks at him with half-lidded eyes, pinning him with his shrewd gaze. “I can still read you like an open book.”

Unlike you, Luhan wants to say but he doesn’t. “You don’t even like reading.” He teases instead, words that are hardly a shadow of his real thoughts. It’s becoming a pattern somehow.

Sehun shrugs, turning his head away. “Some are worth it.”

“Am I?” Luhan pokes a cheek, warmed by the indirect compliment. It’s how Sehun works, always saying things in that roundabout way of his. “Hey, let’s light some fireworks.” He says, wiggling his legs and jostling Sehun in his position.

A hand clamps over his ankles in an effort to stop him but Luhan won’t settle for a no.

“You’re such a child, Luhan.” Sehun sighs but Luhan know he’s won when Sehun moves to stand, pulling him along.

He's a bit bewildered by the easy win but he still grins in victory and rubs his fingers underneath Sehun’s chin much to the other’s annoyance. “But you’re younger. If I’m a child, what does that make you?” He teases.

“You better not be calling me a baby.” Sehun retorts, mild irritation evident in his tone.

“That’s a good idea.” Luhan says, stealing a kiss. “Baby.” He easily evades Sehun’s half-hearted swipes at him and stumbles out the door, chest alight with happiness.

In between, Luhan forcibly shakes out the nagging feeling in his guts.

  
  


  
  


“I can’t believe these still work.”

Luhan observes, sitting near at their hastily made bonfire. The light is meagre at best, the fire sputtering every once in a while and sparking from the little twigs and dried grass they have gathered. Even so, it provides enough light for the darkness that consumes their vicinity, the tall grasses ominous in the night despite the clear skies.

“Were these the ones I've bought from Bangkok before?” Sehun asks, startling Luhan from his fascinated observation of the Sparkler.

“You remember?” Luhan shifts, bringing the lit firework between them. He watches as the shadows play across Sehun's face.

Beautiful, Luhan thinks, if a bit eerie and somehow a little frightening. Is this how Sehun's enemies see him? A beautiful man, - boy, really, for Luhan knew better, - with a gun in hand, coming to take their life away?

For Luhan, maybe it's not a bad way to die. To see that perfectly sculpted face staring from behind a well-aimed gun, a warrant for death written across dark eyes and downturned lips.

“Of course I do.” Sehun turns away, fire reflected bright in his eyes. “You whined for days for a piece of firework.”

“Says you who threw an impressive tantrum because we didn't have anything that wasn't spicy.” Luhan retorts, a teasing smile blooming in his face at the memory. “When did you start eating spicy things anyway? ”

Sehun snorts. “In India.” Sehun might have seen something on his face because he continued, “You don't want to know.”

But he does, Luhan wants to insist. Instead he keeps quiet, shrugging as the firework comes to an end and the darkness closing in a little more.

Silence descends between them, uncomfortable and heavy despite the natural sounds around them. And something just wants to burst out of Luhan's chest. Something ugly and insecure, something that is fuelled by the darkness obscuring Sehun.

"Why did you come back?" The words left Luhan's lips when the silence gets too much to bear, when the only thing that is preventing him from caging Sehun's heart in his hand is that Sehun is here right now.

But Luhan isn't sure until when it would be enough.

Sehun looks at him, gaze assessing and lips pressed together tightly. Luhan clenches his fists, ready to fly the moment Sehun spouts excuses about his job again.

Sehun doesn't and instead his lips part, a sigh escaping before the much needed words. "I'm not. I'm not back Luhan." He holds a hand up, aborting whatever Luhan is about to say. "I will be though."

Luhan's breath hitches, stolen by the sudden smile curving Sehun's lips and the sudden knowledge that Sehun, for all his presence right here does, is still out of his reach.

"You're leaving me again?" Luhan asks, an all too familiar stinging pain developing behind his eyes. “When-” His voice cracks, hardly more than a whisper, "When will you be back?"

"Tomorrow." Sehun holds his gaze, unwavering and not a single doubt present in his eyes. "I'll be back tomorrow."

Luhan averts his eyes.

"Liar."

♧♤

_He leans back on the couch when he sees his- superior, for lack of better term, saunter past through the opened doors of their lounge. A gun is in the guy's loose grip, carelessly swinging on the side._

‘Whoa, hey,’ _he calls,_ ‘you don't need that here, do you?’ _His voice makes a few other heads turn, startled and curious, then the unmistakable sounds of a metal slipping back inside a holster following it._

_The guy laughs, leaning just beside the door and brings the gun to eye-level, probably inspecting it. What a crazy guy, doing that with the safety off. ‘_ Who else are here,’ _the guy asks in his baritone voice, sweeping a glance over the room._

‘Half of the Red Light group is somewhere there,’ _he gestures with a flick of his head,_ ‘and some of the guys that calls themselves sparkly, shiny or something.’ _He snorts when he hears a muffled splutter from another room._ ‘Newbies,’ _he shakes his head in exasperation._

‘The kid’s not here?’

_He shrugs, not calling out the fact that the kid is the probably same age as the guy. His senses started screaming when the guy clicks the safety on the gun before attaching a silencer tube in the muzzle._ ‘Last I saw him was the other day, said he has some business to take care of in the area.’ _He tries for nonchalance but his heart is already beating fast inside his chest, his hand moving down to his own gun-_

‘Pity,’ _the guy sighs, meeting his eyes before smiling, turns the safety back off, and cocking the gun._

‘You fuc-!’ _He aims and-_

♧♤

When Luhan fully opened his eyes, he knew that Sehun had been long gone.

The sun is barely up, casting a depressing pale gray in the sky. The morning mist chills the air, the small slit of opening on the windows letting in trickles of the cold. But the blanket keeps him warm, tucked snugly around him despite his tendency to kick down in his sleep.

Despite the cold empty space that had been occupied when he fell asleep.

Luhan expected this. Sehun had told him outright last night so Luhan knows. He knows and he expected it but it still hurts the moment it sinks in that Sehun is gone again.

"I'm an idiot." He says to the silence, pretending that the husk of his voice is due to traces sleep and not the tightness in his throat. He throws an arm over his eyes and tries not to cry, tries to muster the strength to wait. "And I love you."

The silence swallows his words greedily. The darkness beneath his eyelids soothing the burn in his eyes.

Sehun is a heartless boy that turned Luhan's life upside down as he crashed into it and stumbled his way to Luhan's heart. He's a killer that breathed life to Luhan and became Luhan's foundation. He's a liar that promised Luhan nothing but the present and melded himself in Luhan's future.

Sehun is Luhan's everything and so Luhan is prepared to wait no matter how long.

♧♤

_He drops the finished stick to the ground, exhaling the last recesses of smoke through his parted lips. Trails of fading gray wafts to the air, doing little to hide the approaching figure clad in black, almost inconspicuous with the darkness of the alley._

‘Fancy meeting you here.’

_He snorts, crushing the butt of the cigarette with his heel. ‘_ Are you finished,’ _he asks. He draws his gun, the familiar weight comforting in his hands._

‘Almost,’ _the man says, face still obscured by shadows._ ‘One last dirt to clean up.’

‘The only dirt here is you,’ _he says, aiming the gun but his finger nowhere near the trigger._ ‘Why are you doing this, Jongin?’

_The man laughs, hollow and without any humor._ ‘Now you call me by my name,’ _Jongin mocks,_ ‘whatever happened to keeping our relationship strictly professional?’

_His jaw tightens in response._

‘What can I say,’ _Jongin continues, stepping out of the shadows and holding up a gun, pressing the muzzle to his. ‘_ They wanted only the best and you were one until you went running from your assignment. Tell me,’ _Jongin clicks the safety off,_ ‘does Luhan know you were supposed to blow his brains out?’ _Jongin grins in dark amusement._ ‘I mean literally, of course.’

_He doesn't answer. He can't answer._

‘No, right?’ _Jongin moves closer, sidestepping his outstretched hand and wrapping him in a hug. He could feel the cold metal pressing at a precise spot on his back. A shot direct to his heart and past any of Jongin's vital organs. ‘_ You did this to yourself,’ _lips nipped at his ear._ ‘I'm only tying up the loose ends.’

♧♤

  
  
Luhan had been cleaning the ashes in a daze when he sees it. Taped securely underneath their makeshift dining table, the little notebook Sehun had been distracted with yesterday morning would have gone completely unnoticed by its hiding place.

He'd been trying to pass the time in any way possible. He tried staring at the clock and willing the hands of time faster but it left him too much to his own thoughts. It had become a physical pain every time his thoughts circled back to the fact that Sehun is still away, grinding his mind to a halt until it started again with a different beginning but always ending with the same fact of the matter.

He tried drowning himself with music but the words of each song are garbled and the way Sehun said he'll be back is a better echo to his ears. He had foregone eating because the hollowness that he's feeling is not coming from his stomach but from the insides of his chest and it'll take a lot more than food to fill it.

He tried tidying the place up, a process that requires minimal thinking and has kept his hands moving for the better part of the time. It distracts him enough to be barely aware of the slow passage of time and gradually left him in a daze.

He's crouched and reaching for a discarded empty bottle of beer when he flicks a glance upward, intending to measure the space between his head and the table to avoid any accidents and instead spots the notebook. His vision tunnels and the only thing that mattered then is seeing what's inside

Luhan had the notebook in his hands in a minute, the leatherette cover soft and probably betraying the hard contents written in it. He had no delusions that it might be Sehun's journal, that it contains his thoughts and experiences. No, it would never be that.

He flips the notebook and opens it to the backmost page. It's blank but he knows that Sehun never writes conventionally and would always prefer writing first at the back unless it's one of the things that changed too. But he sees faint ink on the other side of the page and when he turns, he barely stifles a gasp.

Written in undeniably Sehun's handwriting, a long list of names and dates is in page after page of the notebook. The names had been stricken out and the first line had caught his eye: the name of his friend whose blood had sprayed upon him because of Sehun's bullet.

It's a list of names, jobs as Sehun puts it, and a concrete reminder that his Sehun is a perfectly capable killer. A machine, as others would have called Sehun, ruthless and efficient by his track record. It explains nothing because he had known it all before.

But really, Luhan should have known there would be an answer. Something to do with Sehun's surprise reappearance, his tightlippedness, and his willingness to bend over to Luhan's whims. And it apparently, glaring from the end of the list, would be Luhan's name in a hasty scrawl, unstricken and undated.

Then again some answers do explain nothing at all and as Luhan stares at each letter of his name, he thinks that maybe he needs to get the answers himself.

It's high time that he drags Sehun back to him, kicking and screaming if he has to, because Sehun is his everything and waiting won't be enough anymore.

♧♤

‘I think I found it. I'm on my way,’ _she says to her husband at the other end of the line before ending the call. Her brisk walk increases in pace, her husband's files clutched securely in her arms. She needed to get to him as soon as possible and the darkened alley beside their apartment is the better option than circle the whole block. She usually avoids it in fear of getting mugged but considering the time of the day and the office just across the other side, she'd take the risk._

_She's halfway across the darkness when her foot is caught in something, making her stumble and swear some colorful words. Righting herself and about to kick off the unfortunate trash, she turns back._

_She screams._

♧♤

"Fuck!" Luhan swears when he feels his eyes prickle again. He's frustrated and the absence of any clue where to start is not helping any. He had set off to the city as soon as possible and now that he's here and the welcoming sign just a few steps away, he doesn't know how to continue.

Sehun hadn't left anything. Other than his notebook and the leftover of his vices, there is nothing to him back at the trailer. He left no numbers to trace, no receipts for stores to hunt down, nothing for Luhan to follow.

"Sehun, where are you?" He mutters, squinting at the tall buildings in the distance. He's still standing there when a group of ladies appears in his line of sight. He's about to ignore them when he recognizes their clothes.

Luhan had seen those uniforms before, with Sehun lying naked in their bed and ashamed faces of their owners avoiding his eyes. They're not the same women but he knows where to go now.

"Sehun, wait for me." Gripping the lapels of his backpack tighter and his heart beating with firm resolve in his chest, he sprints towards the hospital of the city. "Wait for me."

♧♤

‘Today's so boring,’ _his friend complains, flopping down beside him. ‘_ I wish we get something interesting, you know?’

_He rolls his eyes,_ ‘stupid, are you saying you want more work? I'm fine like this, no emergency, no-‘

_A harried-looking intern bursts through the doors. ‘_ You're needed! Someone's been shot!’

_He turns to his friend and glares,_ ‘you got your wish.’

♧♤

The hospital is bustling with activity when Luhan stepped inside. To the side, the doors of the emergency room are wide open. He could see the hospital staff converged upon a single bed, spots of red visible in some places. He wants to look, curious at the commotion, but he forces his feet towards the reception.

The nurse in duty doesn't pay him any attention, still craning her neck to watch the proceedings. He clears his throat pointedly and the nurse startles. "Excuse me, do you have a patient named Oh Sehun?"

"A moment sir, let me check." The nurse types the name to her monitor and hits enter. A few seconds pass before there is a ping, the nurse looking up at him apologetically. "He's been released a week before."

"Do you-" He licks his dry lips. "Do you know where he went?"

She shakes her head, "Sorry sir, release details are confidential unless with proper authorization. Are you family?"

"I'm his partner." She goes wide-eyed for a moment before looking apologetic again. He's starting to hate that look. "Please, can you tell me anything?"

"Um, we're not really allowed but you could ask his doctor. He's over there though." She points at the frantic doctor who's barking orders left and right in the emergency room. "Someone's been wheeled in critically injured. They said the guy had been shot."

Like a bucket of ice poured directly over his body, his blood freezes in his veins leaving him cold and numb. Everything seemed far away, the noise muted except for the suddenly loud straight beep coming from the bed.

Sehun. No.

He's not aware that his feet had been moving, that his arms had shoved his way right through. He's not aware of the hands trying to pull him away or the alarmed shouts directed at him.

The only thing he is aware of is Sehun lying motionless on the bed, bloodied and pale and no, that's not his Sehun. It can't be. No. No, no, no.

Luhan grabs Sehun's hand and it's cold, Sehun doesn't like the cold, why is he cold? "Sehun. Wake up. You're cold, why are you cold?"

His vision is blurring and he tastes salt on his lip. "Wake up." The straight beep is deafening. "You're a liar. You said you're not, prove me wrong! Prove me wrong, Sehun! Come back to me! Sehun!"

His throat hurt, his heart hurt, he feels so cold too, darkness is staining his sight, he can't breathe but Sehun is there, he's right there, he won't wake up, but he promised, he promi-

♧♤

_He yawns as soon as the door shuts behind him, blissfully washing him with silence. He heads straight to his locker, his shift done for the day._

‘Hard day?’ _His colleague asks, leaning on the locker beside his and eyeing the dried flecks of blood on his shirt._ ‘I heard something happened.’

_He nods, opening his locker and pulling out his spare clothes. ‘_ Kid got mugged and almost shot to death. Then his boyfriend comes charging right at us and shouting for the kid to wake up before fainting.’

_His colleague whistles. ‘_ Some drama, huh? Kids these days. What happened then?’

_He shrugs and began undressing. ‘_ They're both fine. I managed to save the kid. Again. I hope he learns the lessons of staying away from the dark. This had been too close for comfort.’

‘You know the kid?’

‘He's been here before, smaller injury though,’ _he pulls a clean shirt over his head. ‘_ Always talked about a Luhan person. I guess that's the boyfriend.’

_His colleague chuckles, standing properly and dusting his back. ‘_ They'll be fine?’

‘They'll be fine,’ _he agrees. ‘_ The kid has never been a good liar.’

♧♤


End file.
